I’m sure all of you avid readers are just dying for a conclusion right about now… I’d hate to disappoint.
How do I feel my FMP went? Well, that question is a toughie. I started off in full throttle… I had a really successful first term, blasted through my deadlines and enjoyed every minute of the rooftop project. I managed to keep this crazy performance up until the Christmas holiday’s, where I rewarded all my hard work with a humongous break. Possibly a huge mistake, but I had an incredible holiday full of joy and stuff so I’m finding it hard to regret that. After I got back to uni from being home I just couldn’t find it in me to start working again, but I managed to do some measly planning and went down to Cornwall for a holiday work visit. This upped my enthusiasm but didn't quite fuel the fires enough to actually WANT to sit in an office and work. Of course, it’s not about ‘want’, really. Instead I just continued to research, which felt a lot safer and plenty more enjoyable than settling for an idea and actually cracking on. In the end I became completely satiated with ideas and imploded in a panic of ‘OMG I have NO idea where I am going with this’ and proceeded to do panic white boxes in UDK, none of which I had any passion for but it did make me feel better just getting some physical work done. Have little bursts of ideas continuously floating around in your head, none of which are merging together to formulate a distinct plan is terrifying. Having a white box there just halved the amount of feasible bursts, really.
I think that was the area I made the most of my mistakes in. I spent too long drowning in concepts, reference and brain farts that I couldn’t surface for long enough to clear my head. I lost a lot of my white boxing stage worrying about things so I’ve just continued on, a whole huge step behind schedule, running wildly after everyone just trying to catch up. This leads to the constant and sickening realisation that this is not, in fact, EVER going to get done in time. But it did, just.
So, how could I have combated this early error? PLANNING and STICKING TO A TIMETABLE! If I had stuck to my original time table and stopped worrying so much about getting my initial plan carved in stone and 100% perfecto I could have worked out the problems as I went. Instead I tried to predict every possible problem and ended up straight back to square one each time. White boxing is a lot more important than I had originally thought. The point of it is not to box out an already fully formulated plan, but instead to use it as the planning stage itself. It’s hard to envisage any level when it’s floating around the zero gravity of your mind. Instead it needs to be docked down in UDK so you can either work on it if it’s a good’un, or scrap it if it’s a bad egg. I need to learn to not get so attached to my original ideas. Just chill out more.. dude.
In the end, though, I did formulate a working plan and white box. This was then whittled down because of the time limit and skewed to fit my original brief. I’m not sure if I succeeded in meeting my brief… I wanted more secret areas with more variation in planting and atmosphere. I wanted more statues and trinkets to make the area more lived in. I wanted more wildlife and particle effects. But it looks ok, it’s done, it’s pretty enough to tick a few of my boxes. I could have done so much more though. I know I really didn’t reach my potential with this one, but accepting that has actually given me confidence. It’s just a shame it took me flunking my FMP to realise what I COULD be capable of, but that’s life and the lesson’s officially learnt.
What would I change? Well apart from the previous BIG things there are a few technical bits and bobs that need sorting out before I show it in the degree show, I’ll list them down to acknowledge that the work is not REALLY over until I graduate. I at least get the chance to make it look it’s best before other people have to look at it. The water reflections need some serious work. The material needs completely changing I think. Heather said that it is just a big distraction, which I completely agree with. One huge, rippled, shiny, shiny, shiny distraction. To change this I’ll add a normal map for more convincing ripples, I’ll tone down the reflection and possibly use two different reflection actors for my level instead of the one because at the moment it’s reflecting only one area of my planting. Or just find another water material to use, whatever seems the best solution. I also need to add a bit of wildlife, it was suggested to add a particle effect and model of a bird coming out of the bushes in my ferny offshoot area. I like this idea, so intend to implement it.
I feel I need to add a section about the bits I like, because this post sounds quite depressing. I need to get a little thing straight first. I am sort of proud of myself for actually completing this beast. I know in comparison to some of my peers this seems a little bit pathetic, really. I shouldn’t be proud for just getting it done, when others have incredible levels to show off in exactly the same time limit I had, with the same social/motivation pressure, too. But, hell, I was so close to just giving up a few times. A fair few people dropped out or had a year out this term (for many personal reasons, I’m sure) and I was so close to talking to the tutors about deferring my place because I just felt incapable of the final dash to the finish. But I ploughed through and have ended up with a level that is acceptable and not the absolute train wreck I though it would be. I managed to see it through to the end, so I am patting my self on the back right now.. well done me.
Now that my presentation is complete and my final disk has been submitted I feel a sad and empty void that was once filled with the biggest ball of stress known to mankind. Every waking minute I spent not working on my project filled me with guilt (though that didn’t seem to stop me going to the pub and procrastinating, but at least I felt terrible doing it). Now I’m free… to start looking for a job and begin roaming the big wide world without the huge squidgy safety net that was my student loan. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this terrified and happy all at once, but there’s only one response for it… Eeeeeee!
